i know ur right I'm sorry I'm stupid and incompitent look I can't even spell incompetent right! Fuck!
you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
Drinking mikes hard & watching the swan princess. i fucking LOVE college
nothing can go wrong this weekend. $1500 to spend. i have options for hookups every night. my backup plans have backup plans
She looks makes a Zellweger face when she cums, she's keeps asking why I call her renee
The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
My goal is to go an entire semester without cocaine. That's an adult goal right?
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
So, this year for my birthday, want to get rip-roaring schmammered and watch my episode of my super sweet 16? We can do lines off my tiara.
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
Randomize
