How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
this girl is having heart failure because she lost her feather...a gypsy blessed it in turkey. Not sure im high enough for this
I bruised my spine.. Jungle gyms were clearly not meant for sex.
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
Yeah dude. They were so drunk they actually drank the pool water. Which I'm pretty sure will kill them. My parents chlorine the shit out of that thing cuz they know how much sex my brothers have in it
i'm scootering my little heart out so i'm not late for a weed pickup. this is the meaning of adolescence
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
we tried to exchange flip flops in the parking lot and fell over then army crawled home
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
I'm sorry, that really sucks. I'm in the bath eating lasagna and if anyone comes in here it's going to be bad news for them
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
My neighbor came out@4am in a pink nite gown n clotheslined a punk on a mo-ped w/her mop handle, then just walked back in her house like she just checked the mail. MILF 1 PUNK 0
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
Well this guy just went into a detailed lecture about how rinos are developing into unicorns.. It's gonna be a good night.
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
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