last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
He poured the shots. We did them together. I cheersd him out of the shower
Hey, 'thunder cock' as proud as I am for you getting laid, could you put a muzzle on her? I have to be up at 5, thanks.
let's be real here, you have a beautiful vagina. this kid is a doctors son. that's a remedy for beautiful rich grandkids. he is just trying water his family tree, and make sure he doesn't end up in some piece of shit adult home. go for it.
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
Yeah when we were together he never sent me dick pics like a normal boyfriend. It was always pizzas. That should've been my sign.
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
Your the only person I know that needed stiches after a Monday morning conference call. How are you in your 20s? How
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
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