Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
shes perfect for him. shes never seen a penis so she has nothing to compare his to.
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
He was ugly. Like horse ugly. But he was built for power, not for speed.
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
My desperation for dick was off put by his anime figure collection.
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
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