There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
is wine microwaveable?
so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
I found the hair cut I want on the girl in the porno I'm watching. now really sure how to show my stylist.
She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
There still is not and there never will be anything as magical as getting high while listening to William Shatner's version of Bohemian Rhapsody.
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
everything in the house taste like gin even the water, friday nite was a success
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
It's pretty self explanatory. You tried to have sex on the hood of a car in front of everyone
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
I forget how to act sober
So random question: what's a good way to tell your brother that his Skype sex kept you awake last night? I'm not really sure how that conversation begins.
Randomize
