TLC. RIGHT NOW. PRIMORDIAL TODDLERS.
she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
it's circumsized.
I think this conversation is over.
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
She basically needs a man who will never act up and take all of her shit
I'm even having trouble finding a guy who's taller than me with no unibrow.. someone needs to tell her its time to lower her standards
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
Brandon's Recipe: two parts cocoa, one part sugar, one part milk, two parts four, 378 parts paranoia. Thanks for the fucking brownies, bitch.
Koalas always seemed like really high little puppy kittens to me.
Well once I told her I had a girlfriend she actually got more aggressive. Then Danielle called me and she saw the pic of the two of us on my phone and immediately said "can my caller I'd pic be me sitting on your face" wtf?
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
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