dude i just saw a drunk guy attempt to get by IUPD and throw a uprooted bleacher seat over the edge of the stadium. funniest thing of life.
details please.
they caught him 10 rows from the top. the first thing he said was "wait I can explain, i just have to throw this over first."
I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
He had in his status he loved beating off and tagged his wife. another reason facebook should be for college.
I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
I still have to bake cookies and shave my legs so Mike can have MILF & cookies when he gets home.
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
ya well i woke up to my roommate spraying me with windex...
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