Fine. I'll sleep in my office
So i decided to deal with the awkwardness of last night by making out with all three of them
turns out the website for Dick's Sporting goods is not "dicks.com". It was a win either way.
I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
I'm trying to seductively eat these M&M's to let her know its on
80% sure the drag queens carried her home
I'll pretend I don't know she's blind, my morals claimed the back seat in this adventure.
I swear if you laugh while im moaning i will immediately stop and go home.
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
She told me the next morning I stared at her tits for like 15 minutes with binoculars from only a few seats away.
Randomize
