corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
Their house warming gift for us was a half case of keystone and getting the cops called..
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
Only I could do what I did last night and feel perfectly ok working around children the next day
What a great world we live in when USPS can tell you that your drugs have been delivered.
Sounds good! I plan on writing a book entitled: I've Probably Done Cocaine In Your Bathroom. A tell-all by Lauren.
omg. MEgabus. stoned.
Theres these two guys talking.
After everything you did, you followed it with "Oh God, that's something a high person would do. But I'm not high." So yeah, you're not getting near my stash again.
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
Honestly I have a huge freedom boner right now and if I came it would be red white and blue
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
you never un-have a 4some
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
Randomize
