I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
So I just walked in on one of our neighbors having sex...on our couch.
WHAT?!
He apologized for staining our couch, then asked if he could make me a drink. Pretty sure he was still inside her while we were talking.
is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
The night ended with a lot of tears and everyone singing along to Willenium
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
Go ahead. I tried to back up ur budhism story but she mite be catching on
Dammit. I hoped that would work. Just tell her I'm doing my pilgrmidge to Nepal or something.
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
I NEED ANOTHER LEVEL OF CAPS TO EXPRESS TO YOU THE MAGNITUDE OF MY FADDEDNESS
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
She had never heard the term "grundle" before. Classiest girl I've met in months
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
Randomize
