This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
He led me to his room and handed me the remote, he left to go take a shower and there is a group of guys across the hall just staring at me... Its like they know something i dont. Help me.
Chill out, I'm getting ready as fast as I can. I didn't even masturbate in the shower.
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
He's getting off drug court. We're doing a super-blunt with 50 dollars worth stuffed inside. He almost cried tears of joy when we told him.
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
He said we were over, wrote my name on the condom he left in my car last night and said he'd always keep it in case I came back. It was kind of romantic
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
Drink water, eat food, and stop tazing yourself
Bra is off & I'm snuggled in a pizza. Adulting is good.
Randomize
