Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
may or may not have recieved head in the car before we came in.
First straight guy ever blown in a Prius. Congrats.
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
I AM SAFE. EVERYTHING IS FOG. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
i know you're at the dentist, but this dick pic was too phenominal to wait and i deserve immediate tit compensation
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
He said his parents were apparently coming over to surprise him with breakfast and I’ve never gotten dressed and run out of the door that quickly. I have commitment issues.
Say thank you and give him a blowjob.
Randomize
