also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
and my souvenir for the night was a nice ambulance blanket
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
We could all 3 jump out of a cake in just tophats. A true marble cake.
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
Randomize
