Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
I don't know what your problem is but seriously you're a cunt for throwing up that song on your page. It's rude as fuck
omg its myspace i didnt think anyone took that seriously anymore
Bisexual Viking-cowboy hybrid is at the bar again
Dibsssss
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
I'm about to fuck a girl in an old school Tony Kukoc Bulls jersey. About to earn my third championship ring in sex
You described pouring milk in your strawberry cereal as a glittering magnificent water fall, skimming over the mountain and little strawberry citizens.
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years.
I know, it's just the worst. Also, security almost took the burrito I brought for lunch. I thought I was going to have to pull a Liz Lemon and eat the whole thing before I could go through.
It's a lube slip n slide down the hallway now. Details later.
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
We just did a u turn on the highway to settle a dispute in a game of slug bug
I don't want to just hook up with random dudes. I've had enough bad sex to know that it's not worth hooking up with strangers
It's not?
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
Randomize