I wish straight boys touched me the way gay boys do.
Second day of summer classes and i already got this girl to send me nudes during class
that is WHY your in summer classes
worth it
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
im breathing rainbows and everyone is talking in bubbles whatever you gave me give me more
I mean two cocks this time. Trust me, I'm not gonna pull the same stunts as last time in this situation
I just saw a douchebag with frosted tips & a LaCoste polo with popped collar driving a Call of Duty edition Jeep. It was a cavalcade of stereotypes.
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
Nothing like snapchatring dick pics to a\nMarried woman while your girlfriend destroys Taco Bell in the next room. Almost caught, worth it. Got boobs back
I'm running on 2 hours of sleep. Just spent 6 minutes staring at the back of my hand thinking: "I don't really know this that well"
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
SOOOOOO I just attempted to go to the gym, hungover. Ended up throwing up in the bathroom. I hope people think I'm just working out really hard
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