so i hit rock bottom, god threw me a shovel. i continued to dig.
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
she's just been through a whole lot lately. When the crazy starts leaking out we give her vodka and lock her in the room with all the pillows.
so that's what that room is for...
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
We left him in some bushes a few blocks down toward campus. Did he find his way home?
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
Randomize
