I really don't understand how I cannot figure out how to work a fucking can opener when I'm hungover. Yet I still retained the ability to take a perfectly symmetrical picture of my erect penis and send it to every person in Matt's contacts the night before.
I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
We are smoking a hash blunt ... Bring your emergency inhaler
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
Btw I'm currently writing a paper in a beer garden. Be proud.
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
As yoda would say; A bitch, she is.
Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
Smoking a bowl in nothing but a flamingo thong.
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
I'll pick u up. I have to buy a new sofa cover anyway. I swear I've never seem a girl cum like that before.
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