At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
Now would be a great time to stop wondering " Who let the dogs out" and go to sleep
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
So note to self oboe reeds soaked in Apple Rubinoff sound GREAT.
I have fuck me eyes 4/5 people agree. It's like doctors or dentists but with ppl who have lots of sex and know these things.
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
I only gave you one rule about using the beach house: don’t get cum on anything!
You’ve seen my tits! You had to know that rule was unrealistic! Does it help that he was really cute?
Randomize
