I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
she's naming her girl london marie
that kid will be born with a tramp stamp
yeah he didnt know till after their one year. You have no idea how bad i wanna say "dude i sucked on those boobs before you"
you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
You seriously don't know?He was trying to arrest you and you were shouting that you were being punk'd. Punk'd? that show got cancelled like 5 years ago.
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
ITS DAYLIGHT SAVINGS TIME SUNDAY EVERYTHING IS GOING TO BE OK AFTER ALL
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
You had salsa out and brought a banana on a plate to bed
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
it went ok. then he slept in a parking lot and took me out for a picnic the next day. boys are confusing.
Only three months past my 21st and I'm done. So many life lessons in so little time.
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
Sorry about the confusion with the nudes last night that was rude
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
Randomize
