Three words: puerto rican gang bang
you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
please come you make the beer taste better
I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
Like... Chilling at home with a movie, hang out? Or have sexual intercourse in the backseat if his car, hang out?
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
Butt Stuff 2016 unites us all
if having to see my ex’s dick once in a while is the price I pay to the universe for making my life go a little smoother, I’ll take it
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