you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
i think i just heard my dad finish in the other room...
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
As the night goes on these shots are getting so much easier. My liver jst needed a warmup lap.
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.
If court goes my way we are flying to Vegas.
I didnt think the feeling of accomplishment for fucking brothers would be this great.
Not much, just taking another sorting hat quiz while waiting for this porno to finish buffering
Someone snapchat me a pic of you topless laying on the bar with Scotty pouring a bottle of tequila down your throat. IT'S NOT EVEN ELEVEN YET.
School starts next week
Just set myself on fire a little bit. Made me think of you.
I shit like a lady though so that rarely happens
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
Randomize
