My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
Brogan sounds similar to Bridget...sorta.
Every girl's name is automatically translated to "Baby/Milk Carrier" in my brai
I decided you couldn't drive after you asked where the time circuits were on your Altima
I wanted to see November 5, 1985
i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
Its only tuesday and I need a dd home from work. This is getting too easy.
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
its not everyday you see batman on the ground with someone riverdancing on his face bourbon street never disappoints
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
I'm honestly just now recovering from saint Patrick's day.
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
You can only use the "she handcuffed me naked to your bed, i couldn't do anything, sorry bro" excuse once.
You have a tempurpedic. you only have you to blame.
Randomize
