we dont do blackfin have a good night :)
We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
If it's any consolation, your boobs looked awesome.
Just had a memory of you pretending to be a begging dog putting your head on my lap while I fed you. Great night to try a new drug.
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
So my niece decided to play "lets make shapes out of your bruises" with me and told me that one of them looks like a shark bite. Bravo, sir. Bravo.
Yo if you blacked out last night, careful going through your purse. There's cocaine in a lollipop wrapper.
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
Fuck it. I'm going for it. You're only young once, right?
You've been saying that for 5 years now. Let me know when the novelty wears off.
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
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