And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
your suggestions for charades were, getting sucked into an aircraft turbine, getting raped by a dolphin, and having sex with a vacuum cleaner. you got your own, and actually used a vacuum cleaner as a prop.
A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
Judging by what she did last night, I would say at least 4 of them have mono now.
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
You'd be proud! I didn't lose my id this time... It got confiscated
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
well he somehow got his hand stuck in some bike spokes trying to reach for a blunt he dropped and that's NOT the reason he's in the hospital...?
So much rum. So many feels.
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
Holy shit I'm 26! That took an embarrassingly long time to figure it out, I need to keep buyin weed from this kid
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
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