he thinks he's going to hurt your feelings
He can't hurt my feelings
I don't have feelings.
Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
Ughh on my way to the bathroom now... literally just puked on myself and cleaned it off with a hot dog bun... I love tailgate
i woke up on my kitchen floor, halfway through a text, and my mascara running... this is why i stopped drinking tequila
The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
I want to be your penis for a week.
Strip clubs it is bday boy. One condition. I am in full custody of your ID. I plan on being in no condition to coordinate rescue operations and we need to keep casualties to a minimum. You cannot be trusted.
Alright goddamnit. Can I bring my pirate hat?
I insist.
I seriously need to grocery shop. I have a slice of cheese, and alcohol.
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
Would the comment "Down Goes Frasier" be too inappropriate at this time?
Randomize