so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
Worst hangover of my career vs the return of the blue balls. Will keep updated
he told me he was watching a movie and he'd be over later and i asked how long. he said 8 inches give or take. you cease to amaze me with the guys you set me up with.
My reasons for going are selfish. She just opened her own law firm. I figure having a lawyer as a friend is a good idea. Nothing in my life suggests I won't need a lawyer again.
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
All he gave me was a sore vagina and film suggestions
Never let your siblings swipe right.
he told me his feelings for me AFTER sex, so that means he meant it right?
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
right after that u started calling me g-force and started trying to bellyslide down his drive way
Randomize
