The way white people respond to them, you'd think Journey was the president of Caucasia.
I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
I feel like you guys are talking about real things and have real problems and I'm just over here like 'should I take muscle relaxers or get drunk tonight?'
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
This is the best 30th birthday ever. In a Motel 6 drinking a shower beer and sending slow-mo dick helicopter videos to you.
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
She grabbed a $20 bill out of my hand, calling it a lap dance coupon and then she dragged me into her bedroom. I think I’m in love
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
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