In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
Definitely just saw a grown man at wal mart wearing high heels and carrying a baby
What the fuck were you doing at wal mart?
i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
hey, this is the ginger girl from the party...i've thought about it and I wanna join the american girl drinking team
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
In a weird way, I don't want to stalk him on Facebook. I want to find out what's wrong with him the old-fashioned way. Is this what it means to be romantic?
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
Lets just say I tried to pinky promise the cop... So I was fucked up.
He suffocated between her tits, but she didn't notice because he still came.
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
I JUST WANT TO HAVE AWKWARD SEXUAL EXPERIENCES WITH HIM.
Justin has passed out on the toilet in a locked stall. Stay tuned for pics.
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