i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
there was a trapeze. enough said
Using pokemon references during sexual acts is always a good idea.
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
This bitch flirting at the bar needs to close her legs and open up a book. I can literally feel my IQ dropping every time she bends down to show her tits.
Jealous?
Very.
Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking rosé, bitch!
I can't feel the bottom half of my face but i feel like our sex would be amazing
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
I opened my eyes to the dog snorting coke, I decided it was best to just close my eyes and forget what I saw
Randomize
