Screwed.edu
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
There were so few words spoken that I'm not sure if it was make-up or break-up sex.
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
Im going..... Drinking all day and hand jobs from 18yr old emo rich girls that are just trying to get back at mom and dad for being to protective...SOLD
Cat. Why do you sit on things I need to use.
Because it is cat.
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
By the way anyone who is willing to be in the film while tripping gets free shrooms.
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
Randomize
