KATE. I JUST NOTICED THAT LOWERCASE D'S LOOK LIKE SLIPPERS.
Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
Everyone knows relationships are a winter sport
I just want to curl up with him and brush his hair and sing love songs together, I think you should come over and end this
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
I can't believe I'm giving you play by plays of this sexting convo. It's like a three way he doesn't know about.
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
I literally woke up walked into the bathroom, threw up and died this morning. Then went to my 8am.
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
On a scale of having tea with Ghandi to the apocalypse how bad of an idea is it to drink with a 100 degree fever?
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
Randomize
