we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
i just wasnt prepared to have the baby of one of two french firemen. threesomes are too confusing.
I love you. Thanks for all the blowjobs.
you threw up into the pocket of your shirt. which was pretty damn polite
Tommorow.Eggs Benedict and surprise blowjob day
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
Pitting the remainder of the bottle against my hangover. I'm expecting an all out cage match for my soul and wellbeing.
Hardest I think I've ever had to work for a shack. Whatevs. Still gonna get my way though. I'll start respecting myself on Monday
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
And he came all over himself. At least he didn't ruin my new lulus.
Actually though that could've been bad.
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
Speaking of dignity, who all saw me....
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
Randomize
