I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
fact: I now appreciate my drunken winter self even more. I just found $20 in my winter coat with a note that says keep yourself warm next winter. I am awesome.
I'm hungry
Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
i repeatedly had to ask him if he was into this because he kept talking about random things while i jerked him off. i got annoyed and in order to annoy him back, i told him i wanted to watch him do it. he also talked about basketball WHILE cumming. NEVER AGAIN.
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
He was the highest I've ever seen. Almost had him convinced there are only three colors in the rainbow...
In going to go underground and live with the mole people for a while.
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
How high?! We watched paid programming for 45 minutes before we realized it wasn't just a long commercial. So pretty high. The Bionic fish finder looks promising, though.
Lets get a boat first.
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
Randomize
