remind me to tell you what i found stuck to me this morning
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
I need input, can I pre-game my cat scan?
She bellyflopped onto the poolside bar, broke one wine bottle, and stole another...the resort staff just frowned and cleaned up her mess.
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
My chin is breaking out a bit and feels all itchy and burny like I'm allergic to something. Are you using a new lotion on your balls?
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
DOUBLE NIPPLE PIERCINGS ARE HORRIFYING
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
Imma make him fuck me with my jersey on tonight while I chant Go Jets Go. Gotta love playoff hockey szn.
Well when we Get drunk it gets rowdy. We could always attempt self-control. But historically and statistically speaking, we fail at that.
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
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