i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
chris hansen is no longer pursuing child predators.let's celebrate
i'll bring the hard lemonade and lube
Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
We did it and he fell asleep and I was bored so I decided to go back to the party...is that bad?
Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
he told her to call him "Frog Legs" and she still fucked him and not you.
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
Need. Hospital. Physically am floating.
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
YO. MCGRIDDLES.
He sent me a snap of him eating a tamale shirtless. I think I might be in love.
LOCK HIM DOWN.
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
I've been in town for almost 36 hrs and I haven't made out with a stranger yet - I consider THAT a record!
Randomize
