I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
so he just left - touched my cheek like he was gona kiss me and then gave me a fist bump?
How you know a guy is gay: they say they would want money, not sexual favors, from emma watson
A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
This is your typical drubkba Amy test. Shout out to jisus for auto correct
That is NOT what pussyfooting around means. Try that again with your toe and I break it off.
I think my fortune cookie is telling me I give good blowjobs.
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
My ex-wife, who I haven't heard from since the divorce, just Amazoned me cherry flavored massage oil and a rainbow caps with the message "Happy Pride". What's the polite response?
I'm wearing men's underwear
I don't know what to do with that information...
Randomize
