just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
Freedom, beauty, truth, and love to all. I also probably have syphilis
speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
He sent me a pic of her engagement ring and then STILL asked for nudes.
It will be interesting
Isn't that your life's motto?
I went down on her on the dining room table. That should count for something.
We played a 4 hour game of True American then we fucked on the floor for a couple hours Happy 20th to me
she was concerned about my dick piercings.
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
Randomize
