I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
grab my backpack.....its in the fridge
You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
i think the penis that was inside of me changed my life
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
She puked her nose ring out of her face.
I woke up with a black eye, bruised knuckles, wearing women's clothing, in a house I did not recognize, next to a solid 9. Thank you for making 21 special.
I never should have let my cousin and his pregnant girlfriend move in with me. I'm never having sex again. They scare off men more than 'my dream wedding' pin board.
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
Randomize
