My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
girl is pretty boring. i'm gonna see if she'll let me finger her.
my mom sold the house because of the grow room the couple saw i had in the basement.
well i just had my first "when i graduated college she was 12" morning
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving?
Sure. But we have to be quiet.
Ninja mode activated
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
This place is full of unfortunate mustaches.
He has great stamina, he knows how to use his tongue, and he's hung like a goddamn Pegasus. I can overlook the man bun.
COME TO THE TOP OF THE MOUNTAIN AND I WILL GIVE YOU MY SAGE ADVICE.
We peed on a building I think...like a building in downtown...not out of view of anyone.
Do you ever just admire your boobs?
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