Do you still like to have your hair pulled?
No, I never liked having my hair pulled. I think you have me confused.
Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
She thought I was gay, so I told her I'd be more comfortable with anal. She agreed.
If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
I'm sure it was awkward. I've never had a professor expose parts of them to me before.
anyone who says having children is the best experience of their life obviously has never seen a vending machine carry vodka in Capri sun pouches.
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
I can not say for certain that I did not blow someone in the bathroom at the bar at some point.
Just stepped off the plane in St. Louis. I'm breaking out in hives, I'm allergic to Midwesterners. Can't WAIT to get the fuck out of here.
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
You're talking about alcohol when the smell of hand sanitizer is too much for me right now
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
Randomize
