I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
sick fucks of a feather flock together
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
I was high last night eating a fudge bar and making eggs with toast and corned beef hash for a 2 am snack and my dad asked what I was and the only reply I could think of was "I'm an adult."
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
got into a verbal altercation with Luke Harangoty last night over a table. Called him a cross-eyed fuck and got the table.
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
All I remember is receiving a lap dance to slow motion.
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
Randomize
