"You squeeze, we tiip biiiiiig" JB
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
she played "i just wanna get married" by jagged edge while we were having sex. why cant i avoid stage 5 clingers
my fake id says im a 34 yr old russian lady ... how is this working
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
Seriously though a big penis is like a puppy dog, or a sunny day or some other glorious thing
You are such a penis elitist
I went in the closet and cried, then the bathroom and cried, and lastly he showed me his penis and I cried. It was a weird night.
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
Can you pay somone's bail with a credit card or just cash? I feel like you would know this.
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
I think there is cocaine on my toothbrush.
Randomize