I heard we made out
We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
So I've decided that when I turn 50 and have to have a colonoscopy I'm going to leave a surprise for the doctor to find.
I told him to show me what he was made of and he came on my face. law students are so technical.
Going to get a "plan B"urrito
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
She carried my bag of puke down the aisle and the flight attendant wouldn't move the beverage cart so she put the puke bag in the flight attendant's face and said "I have a bag of sickness!" I've never seen a cart move that fast.
Somewhere between the 30 minutes of cunnilingus, the improvised song about the Olympics, and the super thoughtful shower beer... I knew I married the right guy
NO I WOULD NOT GET A GUMMER FROM A GRANDMOTHER
He might not have any marketable talents, but the kid dry humps like no other.
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
I need weed and if he's hot, maybe he can supply me with sex too.
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
Randomize
