last night i told the bartender i only have 3 days left to live so i wouldnt have to pay for drinks
this morning i woke up with a nothing but a pair of what i believe are fairy wings on - and the bartender in my bed
he thinks ill be dead by monday and still came home w me.. WTF?
messed up. what color are the wings?
John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
after giving each other head, we had a really nice post-oral heart to heart. found out he lost his virginity in a threesome.
Told him I'd blow him in the bathroom. There was a giant window everyone was looking thru. He whipped it out n I burst out laughing n walked away. Even blackout drunk I set the bar high. You should be proud.
I had 800 mg of ibuprofen 2 b vitamins and I'm pounding water like I'm trying to win a hazing
I haven't seen her in ages, how is she?
Well I woke up next to her this morning so I guess I would say she could be doing better
We all just did coke and we're coloring so if you're sober its pointless for you to come over here
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
Who'd have thought a guy with a lisp would be so good with his tongue?
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
If the ex isent in town and im crying under a table somewhere because of it can we go to a drag show or something
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
tbh I think I just dated him for his dogs in the first place.
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