This is clearly one of those "A hole's a hole" situations
If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
No, I googled it. Apparently, male thongs are the next snuggy and a lot of guys love wearing them for the support.
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
Do you still have "be bumpin" written on your ass in glitter pen? Who brings a glitter pen to a bar? Or pulls there ass out for that matter...
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
there is something very satisfying about getting tacos after hours of sex.
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
You kept crying and I couldnt help but laugh at you, I was really high though.
Randomize
