So would u like to explain why you ate all my pickels and took my 1800?
About that, i have your 1800 on my desk with intentions of returning it but theres nothing i can do about the pickels
Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud
That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick
..She then engaged in what she called an "interpretive pole dance"
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
Ummm so does anybody remember me stopping to get my ear peirced last night and make an earring out of a staple? Or did I just somehow lay on this thing and ram it through my ear?
He started going down on me while we were watching Land Before Time.
Incredible.
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
He literally cried into his tacos and screamed fuck bitches. Don't know if it was the best, or the worst hook up, ever.
wait you fucked a guy who wears k-swiss? seriously?
I know, im living my 7th grade dream
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
Randomize
