it hasn't hit me that college is over yet. so far at home, i haven't brushed my teeth, taken off my makeup, or changed clothes before bed.
I would like to be the first to explain to you that if you've woken up with bruised knuckles this morning, it's because last night you tried climbing out of our car window and into the drive through window at maccas. The cashier chick freaked out and slammed the window on you and beat you around the head with her headset thingy.
Shittttttt.
Be not ashamed. It was youtube-worthy.
We shared that special kind of eye contact that can only be experienced when you know one party is saying "Oh god, I fucked him in the back seat when you were in the front, didn't I."
hey everyone... booty call? my house tonight. bring friends to fuck my friends.
Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
hey, haven't seen your testicles in a while...you 3 still alive?
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
I was just too high to be in rapids man. I just screamed for the entire time I was jostling about.
Also I just sneezed literally 12 times in a row so violently...boogers everywhere. Sorry to ruin the sexting. I just felt like you had to know
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
They gave me 4 meds at the health center and said not to take alcohol with any of them. Guess ill wait until tomorrow to feel better.
I would cock slap so many things if I had a cock.
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
Randomize
