i just google searched 'can you pop your ovary'
i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
It's a "nonproductive" (vocab word) cough. It's like a constant tickle in my throat, like there's a little elf with feathers for feet going Gangnam style on my "uvula" (vocab word).
How's dating the med student working out for you?
After we had sex last night he showed me where my spleen was.
A true anatomy project.
Last night I dreamt that I sold my car and used the money to have wheels surgically implanted in my feet and legs so I became a human heely and I just rolled everywhere
Today in French class my teacher was singing "what does the fox say" so i started answering in similar satanic ritual noises
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
The single life is the freaking dream dude. I'm sitting here naked, eating chocolate mousse, and watching Gilmore girls. It's wonderful
It really hurts to walk. Any idea what happened to my hip?
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
Randomize
