Does it still count as a "walk of shame" if it's only 1am?
Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
I was just wished a Happy Valentine's Day by the (Mexican) Chinese food delivery guy. I've never had clearer "get your life together" message than that.
The interviewer had a hook for his right hand I TRIED TO SHAKE HIS HOOK WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME
soo how bad was i last night?
licking sour cream off of the table at pancheros bad.
She was eating whipped cream out of a plunger at 3 am in the morning. Yet somehow she still had an elegance about her.
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!
I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...
It is completely possible to eat beef jerky sexually.
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
help. his tongue is stuck. Its not what you think. Hurry.
Randomize
