I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
i want to find a way to basically assault his face with my vagina.
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
Please do us both a favor and come rip my clothes off.
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
Don't I can pass these orgasm blushes off as sunburn for much longer...
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
Can you send me the picture you took of me smoking a joint with the cat make-up on?
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
Somebody broke the sliding door, and someone ripped the toilet seat off the toilet. So yeah, pretty typical friday night
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