He played a tape of his mad rapping skills after the final...his rapper name was Mad Stylz and he rapped about all the pussy he got in the 90's. I love Sociology.
he got a charlie horse midthrust which triggered my orgasm we're still sorting this out.
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
He wants Portugal to lose so badly he threw out all the sangria. You know how depressing it is to watch someone dump 4 gallons of heaven?
He has started theming his dick pics. I have one he sent his duck has a sombrero on. Another a Barbie is riding it.
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
I don't want to inconvenience you with my dick\n\n
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
When you wanted to give that guy at McDonalds your number you asked the cashier if you could borrow "a pen or just like a straw with his blood on it". He gave you a pen.
She was shaving her legs in the neighbors pool when we found her.
Where'd she get the razor?
Not the point.
I ripped ass in on and around her face during a hard 69. I don't think she'll ever call me again.
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