I told her we could go facebook official. If she ups the oral.
She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
i have this gut feeling friday is going to be interesting.\nAnd by interesting I mean I feel like im going to get punched in the face by his girlfriend.
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
Two options. One, you listen while I freak out. Two, we have mediocre to awesome car sex and don't talk. Either way, I'll be there by 7
And your boyfriend doesn't mind you constantly taking pictures of his dick just to freak out your brother?
its more like he's accepted that he can't stop me
She used a candle as a shot glass.. A FUCKING CANDLE BRO!!
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
Don't EVER mix a flaming shot, with a Jello shot.. As good as it sounds flaming Jello is not a good idea
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
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