DOES ANYONE KNOW THE NINJA TURTLES
My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
I am in the hospital with a broken wrist because a guy told me that if I punched him it "wouldn't hurt." it hurt. me. Thank you 11 jello shots.
What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
ugh he was not leaving in the morning so i tried to scare him by crying and saying i wasnt ready to lose my virginity.
Don't tell me 'the Fonzie' doesn't work. Went to see Shakespeare high and gave the sign to the dude playing Macbeth. Now at a cast party getting blown. All hail the Fonz.
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
OHMYGOD I LITERALLY JUST FINISHED JERKING OFF AND MY MOM BUSTS IN AND HANDS ME A BABY WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN MY HOUSE JESUS H CHRIST!
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
There’s nothing that says motivation more than watching these little geniuses on Kids Baking Championship New Year’s Day. I’m ready to fuck shit up this year.
she broke a 50 dollar bottle of alcohol. then passed out in front of her car and got sprayed by a skunk
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
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