I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
i don't care who i fucked last night, until im at 43plus im not considering myself slutty
I had a pretty decent weekend -- aside from dropping the baby on her head. That.. That I feel bad about.
hot buttered vodka was not a success. on any level.
Check having sex on the rocks and dirt on the peak of saddleback mountain off my list.
I felt like a god.
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
We got the DJ into it too! "If there are any dudes into other dudes out there, my man mark is looking to get pounded. Buy him a drink stat!"
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
Being the hot sister definately has advantages, I'm pretty sure I ruined her engagement
Me too like the fact they didn't arrest me wants to send them an edible arrangement
My ex's new girlfriends ex boyfriend is getting me my nipples pierced for Valentine's Day so who's the real winner here
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
Last nights hook up turn into a star wars history lesson.. He's luck y he's pretty..
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
The covid immunization shot lady also sold me a mondo bag of really good pot.
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