I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
This sounds like "Sober" Ericka. Sorry that message wasn't for you. I only do business with "Fell off the wagon" Ericka. Please pass that message along to her.
I don't know how but I have our hotel room door handle in my purse... this can not be good
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
Thank you as well. My penis is starting a slow-clap right now.
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
Blacked out, Had to be carried out of the bar again by two large black bouncers. Asked them to be my "boo thangz" Again.
And he came all over himself. At least he didn't ruin my new lulus.
Actually though that could've been bad.
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
Damn you. I'm in a bar with Southern Jesus Fearing Blah Blah Rednecks WHO ARE PROBABLY VOTING FOR TRUMP and you go radio silent.
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
I can feel your judgement through the phone
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
Randomize
