dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
I just want to curl up with him and brush his hair and sing love songs together, I think you should come over and end this
I want to just live in between your butt cheeks.
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please
My dick has a subreddit
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
Randomize
