Is it bad that now when i read ingredients in the food I eat i only read it as shrooms instead of mushrooms ?
Got drunk. Then they sung "we didnt start the fire" to my other cousin who accidentally burnt down the house when she was younger.
I need a second opinion on who's blood is in my car.
Seius question. Does a penis floar when ina baht? Must find out.
I'm trying on my bridesmaid dress so that I can determine what will need to be done to achieve getting fucked while wearing it.
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
We joked about how funny it would be if he got pulled over with 300 breakfast burritos in hus car. We walk outside of the school just as the police lights turn on and pull him over
Sexual favors are the only currency recognized by the Republic of Greg
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
Guy just rode past on a lowrider bike smoking a blunt, I want his life
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
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