What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
Did you just see the Batmobile???
Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
Canada: barely better than America at a sport they invented.
I can't tell if I miss summer or 5 times a day sex more.
He was trying to be aggressive in bed, but in reality, it was like watching a declawed cat try to climb a curtain. They WANT it, they just can't DO it.
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
My FitBit tracked the calories I burned during sex. Hello 2015!
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
Dude I turned down free booze. I think I'm growing as a person.
Also, my guy said they would be around. And i clarified that when I asked him for mushrooms he didn't hear "a mushroom or two" but rather understood I meant "all the mushrooms you can find between now and 4th of July."
Randomize
