in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
I just blew my nose and little bits of weed came out.
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
She's echoing.. Her head must be in the toilet..
Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals.
It was his birthday this weekend. I had to carry him 6 blocks, in 3 inch heels. The entire time he was trying to molest me, eat my face, and try to stop every two feet to tie his shoe. He would light a cigarette, forget about it, almost burn everyone, throw it out, then decide he wanted to smoke. He kept repeating that he trusts me with his life.
...Wow...
I could be a kindergarten teacher
It was less of a bar, and more of an abandoned basement that some people sell booze in.
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
I have visions of guys in cheetah costumes with suits over it pissing on a children how are you
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
Ive decided to see your threat against my life as you flirting
Randomize
