I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
i just walked downstairs to find my brother wearing a crossingguards vest and boxers. when i asked him where he got it he just looked at me, smiled, and kept feeding the dog yogurt
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
Bring enough bail money and little extra for tacos after
And now thanks to shrooms we all got a terrifying glimpse of what goes on in his head. I will not say I didn't see it coming when it turns out he made a suit out of people's skin
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
Full disclosure. I fucked the fatty from work and shit is weird now.
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
Ok, they now been on the roof for two days. I can see 4 cases of teecate and a carton of smokes. They are yelling at "fucking fall" and pissing off the roof.
the sex was good. her showing me pictures of her 4 year old daughter afterwards was not.
He literally knows my vagina better then I do.
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
Randomize
