I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
i love insurance, just had an iv with 4 bags of fluid, 2 shots of finagrin and a 2 hour nap . woke up without a hangover. all for $20
Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
I think pretend fucking a camel is a good thing to do downtown. They loved me.
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
Owwww. A manager/ employee sex scandal that DOES NOT involve me! SCORE!!!
A 'Bear Fight' is a car bomb followed by a Jaeger bomb. Fuckface and I do those on slow days. Tonight, we did a 'Polar Bear on Fire'. Fireball, a bear fight in the middle, and end with rumple minze.
I made friends at the beach bars tonight. Several were worried for my well being.
So I considered mediating this morning and instead I master-bated...same thing right?
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
Ahh yes. I lost my pants and swimming suit and phone charger. And I've found out who has them all even while hungover. Successful day. Nice party too.
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
that may or may not have been my penis.
Randomize
