I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
literally every day that goes by where he doesn't talk to me makes me more determined to get him to have sex with me
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
He took a girl home tonight that he was trying to sell a fridge to. She wanted a fridge and got his dick. He's got a talent.
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
All I'm sayin is that I don't want to raise anything. Or deal with anything. Or having anything come out of my vagina. I mean, I don't think that's asking too much.
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
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