Theres this fat girl in desperate need of the proactive factory in my class and as i watch her shovel food in her face I am struggling to not only keep down my meager lunch but also to stay straight. Eliza Dushku couldnt even get my flacid dick to move
His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
I've been timing it. He's been showering alone for 33 minutes. 4 minutes ago, he said "truth or dare." haven't heard anything since.
i would have thought, that you two being my best friends, one of you would have atleast tried to catch me before i hit the ground after blacking out.
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
Thanks for the viagra you gave me last night. I ended up getting called in to work to cover a shift. So I had to tell Kayla that I couldn't hang out and I had to try and hide my dick all night while walking serving people food all night.
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
Before I go in, is 'I just got a root canal 2 hours ago' a good excuse to show up drunk to yoga class with a 6 pack? Because if not I think I need to go home.
By chance and just chance did you find a cock ring? By chance
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
It was great. Except he kept asking me to lick his butthole, I was like firm no
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
I'm naked and there are two trees and a yield sign
Be right there
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