I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
I found a picture of my kindergarten class. Now you can see whose peer pressure I succumbed to.
all a guy has to do is give me sprinkles and cookies and they can get me in bed
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
You just stood up, raised your glass and said, "I'd like to thank the academy" then fell through a glass table. THAT'S why we cut you off.
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
I just threw up 34 cents. What in god's name did we do last night?
He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
Her mom Is so hot that when she was bending over i just zoned out starin at her ass her dad slapped me on the back an said let me tell you son everything you see here is mine and you had better realize i felt like simba
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