Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
it's kind of nice to have a picture of me making out with someone and actually know who it is for once
You coming out tonight? We gotta hang out before I move to Madison. BTW I'm moving to Madison.
I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
Standing in a circle of girls fistpumping to the word "hospital" while taking shots.... I don't see this ending well, but its fucking fun.
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
You have the perkiest tits in all of North America. You're fine.
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
Randomize
