Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
Mom just referred to a 9 year old as "this bitch", so I'd say day drinking was a success.
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
Now the circle is complete. Just interviewed a guy who was a higher up member of the team I worked for in my job before this place
I feel you. We can get adjoining rooms. It'll be like Disney world, but with drugs and ivs instead of roller coasters and Mickey Mouse.
Which is way cooler
Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
Our DD will meet us there. The strippers are sending a limo to pick him up. He promised them New Years Eve massages. Said he would still drive us home.
Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated
They way I see it is I've wasted 7 years of having these glorious tits. I only have about 3 good years left before idk kids or just gravity takes over and they don't look this nice so it's basically open season.
Just had sex in the room next to my parents. Heading back to school ASAP.
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
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