if you take his cock out, you have to give him a bj. it's like giving a moose a muffin.
Proposition. Sex. No words, no talking about it later. I just want you tonight.
he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
I think you missed the wrong class. Im pretty sure we were taught how to buy cocaine.
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
he said he did everything he could to puke on his nurses because they were doing everything wrong
Thats admirable.
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
I smoked my last bong as the sun rose. It was magical.
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
She should be a lawyer. She convinced her husband to give her a hall pass AFTER he walked in on her in bed with her ex-bf
Randomize
